I Lived in a Refrigerator (Confessions of a Troglodyte)

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Confessions of a Troglodyte - I LIVED IN A REFRIGERATOR Perform an experiment. Open the door smaller cave were cut-long work which of your 'fridge and see just how frigid left one pleasantly tired and ravenously it is in there. Fancy spending a week- hungry. Different people amused themend inside one? Of course not, not on selves in different ways in the days that your nelly. A joker would have to be followed. Skiing was the most popular some kind of a nut. Well, here are a pastime. I can therefore only tell you few facts. A refrigerator is actually a about my cave, and what we did. few degrees above freezing, around 36 deg., I am told, but a snow cave, owing My cave was the largest, with the most to the mechanics of physics is thermo- impressive entrance, an estimated 700 statically controlled at 32 deg., and cubic foot refrigerator, produced by reroughly 24 perfectly normal, crazy moving seven tons of snow. In it were all mixed-up members of this club lived in the odds and-well, promiscuity is imgiant refrigerators they had dug in the possible in a snow cave, but we were all snows of Ruapehu. They were Tongue very odd. The cave leader was Fraser and Meats, so perhaps they were afraid Walls, a long-legged individual, who they would "go off" in the summer heat. insisted upon snow caves fit for long- The weather on Friday night of Labour legged individuals to live in. He had weekend was unpromising, not really bad, an obscene mug, of which he was exbut just enough to inspire hope that we tremely proud, and an unreasonable demight have a good excuse to salube in sire to have it filled, which it never was. the hut. Everyone was in high spirits Lindsay Cuthbertson, an hirsute gentleas we settled down to sleep in the lounge. man, who was introduced to me as a Bill Cronin, being the last to get into the "spud-faced Irishman", but I hope never sack, ran around in his underwear to to see a potato with so many hairs on it. switch off the lights; this was such a Bill Stevenson, whom we immediately revolting sight that we just had to laugh. recognised to be educated, by his com- Next morning, after only three hours mand of English (especially the foursleep, I was awakened by the sadistic letter words). Allan Donoghue who never trip leader, grinning a macabre smile, let us forget his affiliations to a longand proffering a cup of tea. The weather established tramping club, and yours was fine, although the wind was chilly, so truly, Norm Clarkson, whose ugly face there was nothing else to do except to was uglier than ever on account of being pick up our beds and walk. sponged with a shovel, which everyone When we reached the slopes of Rest- thought very funny. ful Ridge, by Troglodyte Valley, a little Next day we made up for lost way above the N.Z.A.C. hut, we com- by lying in late. From near our cave sleep we menced work with zest. The snow was had splendid views of Ngauruhoe and consolidated and came out in satisfying the Pinnacle Ridge, and this reminded big chunks, but the work of hacking us of a trip we did along the in round the blocks was tough on wrists, winter, and we were able to point ridge out the and several members who had worked hairy bit where Paul Green used a particularly hard, complained of stiff- naughty word. The others ness and creaking wrist joints after- Heu Heu, whilst Allan and challenged I Te wards. tackled Altogether, four caves and a mighty Girdlestone. The weather was the fine, and the scenery magnificent, there casualties. Val was sick, Dave Ryrie were people everywhere. On our way to spilt his overtrousers with his crampons, the crater we met a people gobbling and later had to retire to the hut because monstrosity, which rattled and clonked, he was unwell. A flagon brought by Ron and was obviously in a dirty liver. No Fayle came to a sticky end. All in all a respectable mountain would allow a car- splendid weekend. Thanks to Bruce Jefbon monoxide breathing monster to feries, chief slave driver, for making us crawl all over it. If I was Ruapehu I suffer. would erupt violently and blow my top. -Norm Clarkson. That evening I had great difficulty with P.S.: There is no truth in the rumour a lilo that had sprung several leaks, two that a maiden-devouring dragon was out of five tubes, not consequetive were found in a disused cave bemoaning the air tight. Next morning my attempts to shortage of maidens. have another lie-in were thwarted by Lindsay who removed one lilo-plug P.P.S.: In a snow cave any heat genwhilst rushing blindly to the call of erated causes the snow to melt, and this nature, and Bill, unable to win an argu- absorbs 80 calories of heat per gramme ment any other way, removed the other. of snow. Similarly, any drop in tempera- Some intrepid souls did a traverse whilst ture causes the moisture to freeze and Allan and I ascended Te Heu Heu, to this releases 80 calories per gramme. In sit on the summit and partake equally this way the temperature is closely reguthe delightful panorama, and a tin of lated to 0 deg. C. (It is for the same fruit salad. It was with satisfaction that reason that a mixture of snow, or ice, we saw signs that the weaher was break- water and salt can be used as a standard ing as we sped away from the mountain, in various experiments.) The actual temit is sO often the other way round. perature is normally a little above freez- The weekend was not without its ing.