Sun, Rain and Indigestion on the Main Range (Operation Damp Squid)

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Sun, Rain and Indigestion on the Main Range OPERATION DAMP SQUID "It's a Clarkson trip so it's sure to covered a delightful bivvy hut, if I was be a good suffering trip," said Mike not a gentleman I would say within spit- Hollis. Just in case the weather was too tin' distance of Dracophyllum Knob. fine and the party too fit to suffer The next bump was Puketoro. One place properly, the cunning trip leader (that's that was not quite straightforward led me) asked everyone to bring some un- to comment, "The trip leader did usual and exotic item of food so that not mention this bit was here." they could all suffer indigestion. Perhaps "O course not," I replied, "if I had it is rather bad form for a trip leader you wouldn't have come. to write up his own trip, so just in case On the shoulder of Kelliher the I get too uppish I have before me that weather was fine, although the sun was time-honoured legend, "The Trip Leader low. We descended into the deep saddle, is a Fink!" and on our climb out we found that in On Friday no fewer than 42 members this short time the sky had clouded over sallied forth or maybe fifth, on three and was ominously black. Soon after trips. Ten of whom wished to suffer our arrival at Nichols hut, Paul and on the Main Range. On arrival at the Gary arrived via Mt. Crawford. pipe bridge we had no difficulty in be- Now came the exotic bit. Some memlieving the weatherman that a cold south- bers said they were not tired, but quickly westerly airstream flowed over the coun- collapsed into septic pits to drive pigs to try. The bush was warmer. We camped market. The trip leader directed operaat the usual camp-site. When I set the tions as befits trip leaders who should alarm there was muttering, "The mumble not sully there lilly white hands with mumble trip leader is a mutter mutter!" work. In spite of this handicap, the chefs Next morning at 6.15 Iawoke to find quickly produced THE MOST EXOTIC that the alarm clock had not rung, so MEAL EVER PREPARED AND in a fit of pique I hit it and it started EATEN ON THE TARARUA MAIN ringing. The camp resounded to softly RANGE. intoned curses, "The mutter mumble First we had Horses' Doovers. I am trip leader is a mumble mutter-Oh my not quite sure what part of a horse this goodness me!" is, but it looked like shrimps on cracker The river shingle and bush were lightly biscuits. Then we had Toheroa soup sprinkled with snow, this was picturesque, and hot toddy. The "gormettes" were also cold! One day Tararua rivers will still not satisfied, however, so before the be electrically heated, but in the mean- main course we had popcorn (do-ittime they chill the feet and do queer yourself) for an entree. This is made by things to the funny bone. As we arrived frying popcorn in butter with salt. These at South Ohau hut we compared notes. suddenly explode and burst into proper Some had suffered cold feet in bed, poppa popcorns. If you are a good other had been cold in bed and some marksman, you can hit the trip leader got cold feet in the river. You know every time. We might have had mutton how some people spoil all the fun? bird stew, but the mutton bird was a The cold-blooded one said "I was warm white elephant, even a certain bearded in bed, and I haven't got cold feet." We Irish gentleman, who wishes to remain all looked glum, then somebody said annonymous, did not know how to cook "He is a liar of course", so everybody it. The general concensus of opinion brightened up! was that you boil hell out of it. Esti- On the climb to Te Matawai one mates varied from four hours to four member developed cramp and was given days. So instead we had cake. Thus a free transfer to the Otaki River party. emotionally prepared, we did battle with The thoughts of our friend with cramp the main course which the usual swill wading through the cold waters of the followed by fruit salad and coffee. Otaki cheered us no end. On the cilmb Next morning we where slow getting to Butcher's Knob we found a delightful away. Breakfast was venison and mushlunch spot but a cold wind made it less rooms. We confounded statistics by than salubrious. Even the cold-blooded ing that two out of every two pron one wanted to move on, but we made clocks fail to ring on the Tararua Main him wait, he had some suffering to catch Range. Although the weather was not up. On the top of Butcher's Knob we too bad near the hut, on top-yes you found a helicopter pad: Ight snow and guessed right, some people suffered. a Tararuascopic view. Further on we dis- "I keep telling myself that I am not suffering," said Graham. "Of course not." "Does it work," I asked? "What is wrong you you, man, you "No', was the reply. have been saying_it all weekend? You Arrived at the river (I was tail-end must be suffering." Charlie) to find it was above normal Meanwhile at Mid Otaki hut, Murray and three of our members had crossed Brown's party was cut off by the flooded on a pole with the aid of the heaviest river. member in the party. The others were Meanwhile in Waitewaewae hut, comrather chicken. Now all the tents were across the river so-determined they ment, "Norm should be happy, he is should not idly loaf around, I got out suffering in the bivvy." my whip and we set about building a Meanwhile at Otaki cottage, Paul and bivvy. This was difficult because there Gary's party passed Bruce Jefferies' party were seven foremen and no labourers. asleep in the cottage. During the debate, one young upstart Next morning the trip leader crossed said: "Old men should not go out on the river. It had dropped a further 10 FE trips, because it makes them very inches. The cullers at the hut were still cantankerous." Of course he was just friendly. So far they had not tried cookupset because his nappy needed chang- ing the White Eelepant Bird exchanged ing. Then the alarm clock started to ring for venison. in my pack. The pyromaniac made a Meanwhile Brian Hunt's party passed fireless smoke, and we had a brew. Bruce's party still asleep in the cottage. The river dropped 10 inches, and so Meanwhile, back in the jungle, Murthe pikers having no confidence in our ray Brown's party still up-river-but excellent bivvy, crossed on a heavy pole. that is another story. Not your cantankerous old trip leader, Thanks to fellow suffers Bruce Jefwho thought that conditions would be feries, Brian Hunt, Kevin Moynihan, just right tomorrow AM (he was right). Graham Westerby, Noel Thomas, Bill The one with the soiled nappy said, McLeman, Paul Green, Gary Lund, Mike "If we leave you behind, you will say a Hollis, Lyle Mason, Lindsay Cuthbertnaughty thing about our glorious an- son and his leprachauns. cestors." -N.C.