Broken River 1988

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-BROKEN RIVER 1988 Roger Bolam The Mob, Broken River Roger Bolam Masochism is defined in the abridged version of values are re-discovered. The meaning of life is no the Shorter Concise Oxford Dictionary (27th longer a mystery. The answer is SURVIVAL. It is Edition) as "...a form of perversion (esp. sexual) us against the mountain! Tongue and Meats in which the sufferer derives pleasure from pain united in a purpose not only or humiliation.... Regeneration is defined as to believe " ..the investing of the self with a newer and that the slopes could be as steep as they looked, higher level of spiritual consciousness... but to conquer them! And so with a common and ambivalent purpose, we became highly spiritual Ever heard of Masochistic Regeneration? Ever and united as we prepared for the onslaught. experienced it? If you haven't, then in all The taming of a mountain! likelihood you have never skied at Broken River on one of the 'Hollis's Happy Holidays', let alone Enough, however, of such deeply philosophical heard a factual account of one. The .perversion matters for now. What of the trip? There follow a from which the sufferer derives pleasure from few highlights: Friday (29 July) pain or humiliation... (defn Masochism) isn't necessarily sexual as definition implies. Arrived in the Garden City in the evening (thanks Ansett). All a bit bemused to discover that there No, its the skiing which is painful and humiliating. It reeks of masochism. Ten hours a day! It never stops! No queues for a breather! The humiliation is the sheer gradient of the 'slopes'. You fall off the mountain before you have a chance of even thinking about carving tracks down it. Rumour has it they ski down the mountain in winter, and abseil it in summer! But it's fun. That's what Masochism is all about. Its the fun in skiing anything up to 100,000 feet a day! It's the fun in doing it all with fellow Tongue and Meats whose sanity is always highly in question. It's the fun in comparing bruises, muscular spasms and degrees of exhaustion, as you discover your true self, in all its glorious splendour! (For many of us, the realisation that we had all the makings of cowards was a shattering discovery.) Enough of masochism. What of regeneration? What of" ...the investing of the self with a newer and higher level of spiritual consciousness"? This takes place on one's becoming aware that "Michael's Merry Minions" are not only masochistic but also magnificently mad! We are all of the same ilk. Sanity is not to be found. Chief Guide in top form Roger Bolam Inhibitions are thrown aside. Basic human

A factual account = was to be only one van for 21 of us (thanks Avis). We noted the abundance of Avis bicycles and wondered if this was a "Hollis Budget Trip", with ski to be strapped to our backs as we pedaled up to Arthur's Pass. A daunting prospect. (Thanks Michael, for not letting it be!) Saturday "Hollis' Happy Holidayers Roger Bolam Skied above the rain and the clouds at Mount underside of a sweating steed.! I take my hat off Hutt. Different people skied on different clouds to Clint Eastwood. He is an amazing according to their experience. Great snow. No ventriloquist. You'd swear that it was his own crowds. Good to be alive. Most of us skied on voice! Today the troops were debriefed before Cloud 9. fluttering homeward (thanks Ansett). Sunday This factual account would not be complete, Skied the afternoon at Broken River. Most spent however, without appropriate recognition to our the afternoon trying to master the access tows. Canadian ski instructors, who taught us ten Many people in various stages of shock once they simple rules to good skiing: reached the top of the tow, and saw for Rule 1: Hold 'a quarter' between the cheeks of themselves that this was real survival country. your bottom whilst skiing. All slopes vertical. Beginners tow on 45 degrees! Rule 2: Never accept loose change from strangers! Monday Rule 3: Lean forward and always keep your poles Skied (all day). in your peripheral vision. Rule 4: Don't ski with white poles peripherally Tuesday they're invisible! Skied (all day). Rule 5: Reach up and "pick apples from the tree" when turning. Wednesday Rule 6: Watch out for apple trees! Skied (all day again!) Rule 7: As you complete your turn, carefully place your apples in the basket on the Thursday coffee table below you. Still skiing! All totally stuffed. Weather Rule 8: Watch out for coffee tables and baskets! beautiful. All hopping mad that it hadn't Rule 9: Pretend you are an aeroplane, keeping "crapped out" mid week so that we could have a your wings parallel to the slope. breather (like they said it would in the Rule 10: Beware of low flying kamikaze apple brochures). pickers on skis! Friday Skiing can be so simple, its just a matter of Skied (all day). Just starting to get the hang of remembering these basics. the mountain. Good one Michael. Good one Broken River. See Saturday you both next year! Skied (all morning). Collectively we decided we'd had enough of the self abuse. It had been far too hot and the snow today turned to Superfix and C the grass needed cutting, so we took off to Flock 5272 Hill (the place where other people do the cooking and the dishes). Sunday Some of us rode Avis rental horses. Horses are either highly intelligent or immensely stupid. I often find it very difficult to tell the difference & between these two levels of intellect. The highlight of the day had to be an agonising and uncontrollable 10 minute homeward gallop (it took 2 hours on the way out), arriving back at the - homestead clinging on for dear life to the