Andrew's Adios Trip with a Slight Western Flavour

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ANDREW'S ADIOS TRIP WITH A SLIGHT WESTERN FLAVOUR Struan Little s the headlights pierced the has collapsed through exertion. My the other side to discover that there is Wairau Valley night, they picked word, the Fits will enjoy this. (Now I another thousand foot climb to the other upaforiom.figurehudied in his poncho know why the average cowpoke didn't peak. We reach this totally exhausted - bytheroadside. Andrew McLellanawait- have muesli for breakfast). Our party we have eaten our horses long ago now ingl his last clubtrip Andrew had cycled marches on to Tarn Hut and enjoys a -tol be greeted at the top by No! No! tothe drop-off point and was now paying relaxed lunch in the sun discussing the Impossible!! Mercifully it wasn't the by being frozen solid. Ihad no sympa- options for the Fits. They can follow us. Fits. It wasworse! Itwas theMediums. thy. Peoplewhodo: stupidthings deserve This is a long way. They can go their That was it! Head down and forced to freeze in the Wairau Valley. intended route. This is a longer way. march to the Forks and our ride home. They can run to the nearest road end. We were the FE trip and we were off to This is also a long way and involves So demoralised were we that we left it to the Richmond Range for a the Mediums to rescue a three day weekend. We lone tramper who had weren't with Andrew. He been abandoned by her was on the Fit trip. about party and had spent the whom you will hearquite night bivvied out on the al bit. This was Lyndsay's tops withnowater. Lovely Fit trip. He promised his weather, though. members grand scenery and easy tramping. He Reaching theroadendwas was wrong. About the time for muscle paralysis tramping at least. and ripping off those bloodstained boots and We arose with the dawn spurs. The vehicles arand set off on an all-day rive with half a party of uphill trudge of the Red Fits who inform us that Hills. No shade, just merthe rest of their party are ciless beating sun like still in the clutches ofthe something out of a cheap evil Lyndsay. They only Western. And yes, com- Tramping FE Style Harry Smith have one three thousand ing across the mesa ist the foot climb ont the way out. steady hoofprint of Harry, followed in a impossible hitch hiking. For the first I look at my watch and check the ferry poolofperspirationby Anita, ChiefGuide time, it's good to be an FE. timetable: fort ther next day. Exhausted as (applause). Iam, I volunteer to go look for the Fits. Leaving the corpse of the ex-Harry at In truth, this is because I can take We grovel our way tothet topof Redl Hill, Tarn Hut, thei remainingcompadres head Andrew'sflash mountainl bike for a spin. dodging the cactus, and descend to Top along the ridge to Rintoul Hut. Anita Ini fact, whenl(literally)rant into. Andrew Goulter Hut which turns out to be an and Iwatch the buzzards begin tocircle. he got quite energetic and insisted on abject balancing act on corrosive boul- As the sun starts to sink behind the riding his bike back out, pack and all. ders through scrub. Finally at 6:30pm badlands, the lone figure ofHarry hoves we make it to the safety of the hut, intoview. "What al bloody long way". A So, this was the way the Western Richdemolish our dinner, undo our bedrolls. couple of hours later, we hear a noise at mond Range was won. Non-stop fine and listen to the coyotes howl except the door. "The Fits!" Impossible! They weather. Great views. And I hated it it isn'tcoyotes wel hear, but the first ofthe couldn't but did they have a choice? Non-stop tramping and too many hills. Fits staggering into our hut. Onel by one Turns out tol be the hut weka. (A weka in But when I think to myselfa about what a they lurch into the hut, the last making a Western? Poor scripting.) pitsy trip it was, I comfort myself by it by about 10:30pm. Wea are, ofcourse, congratulating myself that I wasn't on sympathetic. Wet tell them to shut up SO Around midnight. I open one eye. the Fit trip. And what happened to we can get: some sleep. Wetell themt they "Torches!"Iyell Ina second, ther rest of Andrew? Why, hesimply jumped on his can't cook anything because the injuns thep party are on their feet) peering out the mountain bike and headed to Picton. may see the fire. window, seeking the rabid face of Lyndsay. "Sorry, guys, just a little joke It's that sort of sicko mentality that sent A fine, clear day dawns and we are off to wake you up". him and bike and camp cook off to the Thel Fits are shattered and simply groan South American sierra to dementedly as we head off down the Goulter. We Dawn sees us staggering up Mt. Rintoul yell, "Mira! Hay llamas muertas!" start another ascent and lose Harry. He de la Frontera, rapidly plunging down ("Look! There are dead llamas!").