So This is Fe Tongue & Meat Style

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SO THIS IS FE TONGUE & MEAT STYLE Gary Goldsworthy 've noticed that you Tongue & Meats get a bit defensive when someone pokes the stick at your dear old lady "The Duchess", SO I'll be gentle and try not to kick her crutch out fromu underher. Wehardy mortals ofthe Hutt Valleys have: a truck too at truck which we fondly call "truck" or "the truck". So when you've spent several hours rattling round in the back with someone's lolling head dribbling on your shoulder and the fumes of the evening's half digested fish 'n chip dinner wafting up your nostrils, you certainly know you've travelled in "the truck" But this, I must say, has given our club members ac certain toughness - around thel butt! Thel blood andl bone lorryyou call "the Duchess" on the other hand, with its A pleasant morning on the Hikurangi Range Gary Goldsworthy cosy interior, 1S what I imagine it's like riding in a large womb. Saturday at Kawhatau Base dawned The Fits scooted past with Harry in as it usually does. In one ear I could dreamy pursuit grumbling something And SO it was on a Friday night not hearmagpies chortling, whiletheother about not being good enough for Ms too long ago that I sat reclined with ear had a dull ringing from having Catchpole's trip. We packed up and my lorry mates, feeling slightly dorky Paul Critchley snoring in it all night. ambled off, hot on their heals. with a granny blanket on my knees, Ilay awake in my pit, still as a stork, engaging in the inevitable parry and eyes swivelling. There was no: sign of A small hold-up was encountered thrust that seems to occur whenever life under the fly at all. Elsewhere while we cranked ourselves across our two clubs gettogether. Ifelt Ihad however, it seemed to be all go. "BJ" the Kawhatau in the cage and then it to get a few good barbs in as the had clocked out at 4. 30am to get to was a calf stretching climb up to the gender of the Hutt Valley FE types the top of Colenso for the sunrise. tops ofthe Hikurangi Range. was being put to the question. We werei in serious trouble as the Fits were in danger of getting away before The Fits weren'thanging around for a Now, I've always reckoned that trav- us, and even the Mediums were up chat and were gone in a whir of bulgelling in too much comfort to a making breakfast-type noises. Still ing calf muscles and flaying boot roadend on a Friday night can turn a no sign of life under the fly tread. We played them out a bit then good, keen tramper soft and an averwound them in. With Lyndsay up age tramper into a wimp, or even Suddenly Anita: sati upando commanded frontsweating likeaj porker, ther restof worse, a vegetarian! Here I was, Paul to crank up the primus and get us struggled along behind in the mud about to embark on an FE trip with the brew on. Claire rolled over and that the sweat pouring off his face the hard bastards of the Tongue & grunted and Lyndsay burst into an had created. Wei finally caught them Meats (or apparently what's left of incomprehensible monologue. Then gazing about in the sunshine at the them) and what happens when the everyonel lay back and dozed: again. I bushline, admiring a perfect day in the truck gets to the roadend? To my could see this was going to be an FE Ruahines with great views of all the astonishment, the mattresses get trip for the over 30's all right. A trip volcanoes. Just the right weather for dragged out of the lorry and chucked where we all talked about the FE trips a walk on the tops. underthef fly! Jeez, and I'ddugoutmy we used to do when we were full of dungery old snowfoam especially for youthful exuberance. A trip I could Frozen tarnsprovided: the opportunity this trip, thinking we'dl be roughing it. identify with. fors somecurlingpracticeandofcourse, an excuse to rest. The tops along the and Stuart out on the river bed a little dinner in more ways than one. As Hikurangi Range had a covering of earlier crowing about having beaten the food begins to sink into the snow with aj poxy, crunchy crust on it, us to the hut. But they were camped stomach, air is forced through the the sort of stuff that grazes skin and down the Kawhatau near Iron Peg intestines and into the bowel Soon bruises shins. It was at this point that Creek where Robert and Daniel were everyoneissinging through their shorts we surreptitiously inflated the Fit's nursing injuries received during an icy with great gusto. A feeling of deja vu egos by telling them that they were descent from Mangaweka struck me as I recalled another trip indeed "fit" and that we were indeed here to Waterfall Hut late last year. "a little tired". Perhaps they would Just like in those old tramping stories At that time I was completely outliketotakethelead?? They fell for it, you read from the Forties, (written gunned by an "inform" Claire Silcock I couldn't believe it! With chests with good intentions in their day, but and a less than gun-shy but very puffed out they hared off. Harry now unfashionably sexist in the 90's) determined Kirsty Woods who had looked at us knowingly obviously done a lot of and gave us one of his traning on sausage rolls "you bastards" looks as and pies. You had to be he strolled offafter them. there - it was awesome! It sure makes it easier to walk in the snow if you Lyndsay drank an enorhave some keen, fit bods mous potty oft tea just beupfrontkicking the steps. fore hitting the pit. On inquiringastothes strength Weall had lunch together ofhis bladder to hold out on Hikurangi under a for the whole night, he bright, clear winter's sky. assured us "No worries Time seems to stand still mate, I'm a camel mate!" on nice days like this. True! His own words Good times! However, And SO it was mate, that I the sun was striding reobserved with some mirth lentlessly westwards and thefollowingmorning. the Stuart's party was getting speed with which "the restless. They were soon Skate-dancing on Iron Peg Tarn Gary Goldsworthy camel" shot out ofi its pit making tracks (for us, ha and bolted out the door to ha) south to the distant trig of the "girls" cooked dinner while the spend a good 10 minutes hosing Mangaweka with us, the five awe- "chaps" gathered wood and built the down the nearby bushes. some old farts keeping a respectable fire. Lyndsay didhis best to smokeus distance behind once again. out till I decided to give him some The muffled sounds of loose sphincencouraging words. "Jeez Fletcher, ters spluttering into life heralded the At Mangaweka the Fits, humbled by you hopeless individual, y'call that a arrival of Sunday morning. We all our cunning, at last bowed to our fire? I'll show you how to build one if feigned sleep for a while and waited superiority and peeled off down a you like. " Not very subtle ofmel buti it for thet trip leader to get up: and get the formidable looking Trig Creek, leav- had the desired effect; in no timeat all brew on. She duly rolled over and ing us to cruise the tops a bit longer he had a brilliant fire going. commanded Paul to do the honours. with the lengthening shadows before dropping down Pinnacle Creek. Here It is one of my favourite times of the Outside was a cracking frost - the Iwas treated to the cringing spectacle day when you can finally sit back and trees were white and the water was of two of the older party members mellow out in front of a warm fire, a freezing. Whataperfect morning for reverting back to their childhoods as good feed of stuff you'd never eat at a walk down the river After we had they ya-hooedtheir way down ascree home propped on your knee, great all traipsed out to the dunny at interslope. With their injun cries echoing company, and a lot ofl laughs and leg vals, given birthto various beasts, and through the valley, Idecided to put as pulling I guess this is what tramping stood around comparing horror stomuch distance between them and me is all about and it is good to see the res, it was offdown the river slipping asj possible just in case an irate hunter Tongue & Meats are nodifferent from and sliding over the frosty boulders put a lead spinner our way. the Hutt Valleys in this respect. The first couple of crossings weret the worst, after that your legs were dead We reached Waterfall Hut just on As is usual on nearly all tramping from the knees down andyou couldn't nightfall The others had met Harry trips, things began to loosen up after feel your feet any more. Paul and

"Oh well," said Lyndsay, "at leasti my feet are: still warm in NF my neoprene booties!" CrowHuti in winteris a fridge. A place where the sun never a shines and frost never I the melts. It was unanimously decided to flag away the rest of the river and head out to Kawhatau Base via the Hikurangi Range. We were going to be late out anyway buti nobody seemedtober worried about it (probably because wel had thet truck driver with us sothel Duchess wasn't going anywhere anyway). An uncomfortable lunch break wass spent a wee wayup the track with the five of us to our teeth from - "Sharp intake ofbreath" Winter in the Kawhatau Harry Smith trying keep chattering by chasing around a little patch of sunlight cast Lyndsay had worn neoprene booties like, Ican take it, but I prefer to call it down through the trees. With a hot SO we never stopped hearing about cunning. brew under our belts, we caned it up how warm their feet were! (Itold you the hill, desperately trying to get the travelling in the womb makes a man Lyndsay, Claire, and I decided to try circulation flowing to our frozen soft!) sidling down the true right. Lyndsay, extremities. It wasn't long before in a rush of blood to the head, was Lyndsay mentionedthat his feet were Claire was the first casualty of the keen on having us cross in the gnarli- beginning to overheat. I could imagday, taking a bath in the middle of a est, white water section. The resultof ine those little wrinkled toes slowly crossing and dating herself rather this would have been great entertain- swelling in the heat of his neoprene painfully on a rock. We found the ment for the troops and immense booties like quietly stewing prunes. Fitscampsiteoppositelron) Peg Creek embarrassment for us as we would And the smell ugh! and noted wryly thatt they had parked have been washed down the rapids next to a rotting deer carcass which and out into the pool, getting more We blitzed out onto the tops just as they probably didn't notice over the than our jocks wet. the weather packed up. Surf was up smell of their own armpits. on the Mokai Patea Range as the Claire and I weren't too keen on this north-west clag poured over it like a We caught them up a few cold, idea, and Lyndsay declined the invi- huge breaker and soon swamped us. grovelly hours later, looking like tation of a solo act. As it turned out, But we didn't care, we had to go to plucked chickens, stripped to their we went1 to a lot oftrouble fornothing. work the next day anyway. jocks and swimming a short section We couldn't climb the greasy rockson ina gorgy bitjusti upstream from the the other sideand on crossing thej pool, We arrived back at the roadend 2 MacKinnon track turn off Anita and stepped into a hole up to our chests hours late. But you get that when Paul followed like lambs to the (and up to Claire's neck). The troops you're over 30 and still trying to do slaughter Ivaguely remembered this got their entertainment, the water was FEtrips. And anyway, wehad all had section from an early trip with the freezing and there was a lot ofsqueal- a thoroughly enjoyable weekend. Hutt Valleys and we didn't have to ing and squawking (mainly from the Now all that was left was to mellow swim then But that was in the middle Tongue & Meats, you understand!). out in "the womb" as it rocked and ofsummer and things were al lot more rolled us back to town. pleasant then Well, Iwasn'tprepared We stood on the cold and frosty river to strip to my. jocks for a cold dunk if bank, saturated, and trembling like Thanks to Anita, Claire, Paul, and Icould help it. Call me a wimp ifyou three weak and wimpy vegetarians. Lyndsay for a great trip!