Getting There Will Be Half the Fun

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GETTING THERE WILL BE HALF THE FUN Matt Comeskey The long, and it must be said, tedious Another incident truck ridet to Ruapehu gaver me plentyof on a different trip time to reflect on the different modes of saw an equally mountain transportlhavel used. Some stupid horse and journeys have been truly memorable aerrio slugging it and hair-raising adventures. out with hooves and fists. The horse got more 'he most pleasant mode of stroppy, threw off L mountain transport, I believe, itsexpensiveload would have to be the humble donkey. of climbing gear, They never complain, go anywhere, and charged and will carry loads that will buckle the three kilometres knees of lesser beasts. I have had around a lake, numerous, pleasant mountain outings taking with it two E inPerufollowingmypockwhileswigging other horses it from a bottle of coke, and stopping to was tethered to. take leisurely photos along the way. Together they spread the entire Most donkeys in Peru arel hired with an belongings of an "aerrio" (donkey driver) who will load A m ericar n and direct the donkey in the only expedition the languagetheyknow- Spanish. Donkeys lengthofthelake. don'trespondtoEnglish. Ifoundthisout The dumpy and when Greg Ord and I hired a cut-rate, intellectually self-drive donkey with optional aerrio. challengedaerrio We figured there wasn't a lot to this just about had a donkey-driving business that a couple heart attack of university graduates wouldn't soon chasing the work out for themselves. horses further and further Benjamin, our donkey, soons showedus towards the that donkey-driving is not for idiots. He horizon. A behavedi like an old car; wouldn'tstart, once going wouldn't stop, didn't take Meanwhile, we sat down with our Soonwestopped at asmall village tol let corners very well, and often ran out of American friends and volunteered to some passengers off andi to buy some gas. It was very frustrating and I am drinkthelastoftheirwhiskey. Its seemed beer. To my horror my blanket mound ashamed to admit that some violence like the appropriate thing to do. came alive and out squirmed sleepywasusedonl Benjamin callitmotivation eyed kids, a little unhappy at being therapy). In the end he learnt some Trucks to the trail-ends can be very squashed andi rolled onl byt theignorant English words that don't translate into pleasanttravel butint theAndes atr night gringo. Suddenly all those jokes made polite Spanish, and we learnt to avoid with a plunging wind-chill factor, it can sense. Ilearnt somenewSpanishwords cheap donkey deals. be a deathly cold trip. Greg and had from the squashed children thatlwon't summitted on a high peak and were bother translating, but would come in On the other hand, horses as beasts of determined to get back into town the usefulforthenexte donkeylhappenedto burden are a dead loss. It is almost same dayto celebrate before the pizza pass. beneath their dignity to carry anything shop closed. We were delighted when except a rider. watched helplessly as a large truck lumbered down the road Of all my travelling adventures nothing a crazed horse bolted down a very ands stoppedi just on sunset. In thel back prepared me for the bus ride to hell. narrowalley, wide enoughforthehorse were friendly faces and al large mound Istill believe the most dangerous part butn notwide enoughford ourp packs slung ofl blankets and sacks. It was freezing of climbing is getting to the mountain, on its back. The packs were smashed cold despitet the warm conversationand and this journey was terrifying. repeatedlyo againsttheunwieldingwalls jokes that we didn'tunderstand, butwe as the horse tried frantically to move laughed anyway. I curled up on the We had hired a beautiful, ornate forwards, turnaround, gobackwards or blanket mound and admired the Pakistani bus to carry US from the whateveri it was it wanted to do. In the fantastic alpenglow on the peaks; The steamyn monsoon oft fthel Indusi Plaininto struggle the ultimate loser was my deepest shades of pinkl l've ever seeni in the cool mountain air oft thek Karakoram camera. the mountains. Beautiful. following the fabled Karakoram TRAMPING & MOUNTAINEERING

Highway, a caravan route of old along had more faith in disc brakes. off while negotiating a tricky hairpin at which has passed traders, armies, warp speed. explorers, and missionaries since the Public buses into the mountains can be beginningoftimeilseif. Alas, allwesaw pleasant, but I know from hard Engineering aside, you should feel safe wasdust,t heinkydarknessofnight, and experience to look out for the signs of when you climb aboard and see the rain. Wetravelled, barelystoppingexcept impendingdoom. InEcuadoryous should windscreen around the driver's seat for frantic fuel top-ups, for a solid 26 be worried when the bus engine starts plastered with icons, patron saints, St hours. upandallt the passengers start crossing Christopher medals, lucky charms, themselves and fingering their rosary football stickers, Hindu saints, family Ourlunatic driverrefused to: stopevento beads. This is a very bad sign. Sharp photos, and dried offerings to pagan allowforapee; thishadtober performed corners with rows of white crosses on Gods, to cover all possibilities. Thel best from the back door as the bus I ever saw was a portrait of the lurched and swayed above dizzy Sacred Bleeding Heart of Jesus drops into the Indus River. If, whose bleeding heart pulsated during this operation, you hadto a red glow in the darkness in let go of anything as a result of a time to the disco tape being particularly violent lurch of the played. bus, then you suffered either an embarrassing incident or a Theonlymodeoftransportlhave potentially fatal one. used that will talk back is the ever-faithful (at least most oft the Meanwhile at thef front oftheb bus, time) porter. The conversation the driver would be wrestling the can go the full range of wheel through multiple turns to acrimonious industrial negotiate the most minor curves negotiation to back- slapping, in the very windy road. On the male-bonding in a matter of latter part of this hell journey he minutes. Ausefultipistor always employed a boy "head-tapper" have some cigarettes on hand whose sole job it was to No disputeis so entrenched that periodically tap the driver's head itcan'tberesolvedwithtobacco. to: stop him nodding off The rest Imperialistsandconquerorswere ofuswerewideawakeinsaucerquicktoseizeonthisasameans eyed terror, poised next to an ofbarteringorbuyingcontinents, open window ready to bail out. andthemodemmountaineering Mercifully, our hay-ride-to-hell expedition employs much the wascutshortbyalandslide. After same tactic. On the whole, some close inspection and The humble donkey Matthew Comeskey porters work very hard. How determined wheel-spinning, the many ofusv wouldcarry a251 kilo driver caved in, lay down under the bus, them are a sign of worse to come. Bus load to 5,000m in plastic gumboots andimmediatelyfelle lasleep. The "head- drivers with grease up to their armpits withplasticbagsonourfeet? Hardmen tapper's" duties were: suspendedfor the obviously spend a lot of time fixing indeed. duration and the world became a safer buses, probably the same death trap place. you are travelling on. They are oftenr ready to display the most revolting skin diseases and ailments A variation on the head-tapper is the Don't be too concerned if the driver while oneistuckingintol breakfast int the rock-boy. His duties weren't cleart to me appears to be confused about which hope of being given a miracle pill or until the jeep I was riding in stalled side of the road to drive on; the other potion. Despite this and less endearing above a sharp corner dropping straight drivers are similarly confused and it all traits and personal hygiene, there are into an angry, swollenriver below. Rock- works out in the end, usually. some wonderful characters prepared boy seized the opportunity and sprung to toil for you, and if treated fairly they into action, scramblingfranticallybehind WhentravellinginindiaorNepal beware will reward the mountain traveller with the jeep for a rock to jam under the ofthe dreadedHindi poptorture. Thisis loyalty and friendliness. wheels as we slowly rolled towards a endlesshigh-pitchedwailingHindupop premature meeting with the merciful musicplayedtooloud,too: slow, through Finally, there are the more mundane Allah. Rock-boy'stimingfellsomewhere aspeakerrightbesideyourhead. Death, modes of mountain travel; helicopter, between dramatic suspense and too bycomparison, ismerciful. Remember, boat, ski plane, and car. Consider for a latel but thei jeep did stop its backwards the bus never leaves until it is full and moment how much more fun it would rollr right ont thec crumbling lipoftheroad. there is always room for one more. be to use yak, llama, husky, or camels yes, they use camels in the Chinese Personallyfminnohurrytogoswimming Check out the tyres. Usually the only Karakoram. The possibilities are inajeep, andlwashalfoutofthevehicle tread you'll find is the dusty boot print endless. Getting there is half the fun, beforeits stopped. The driverscoldedme the driver left while giving the wheel a but don't let anybody tell you it will be forhaving not faith in God. lassuredhim cursory kick to make sure it doesn'tfall easy. TRAMPING & MOUNTAINEERING