Blackadder goes to the Tara-Papa-Bloody-Rua-Roas

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Blackadder goes to the Tara- Papa- B I oody- Ru a- Roas

With apologies to everybody, especially Glynne, who is of course nothing like Baldrick - but somebody had to play the part...

Staning

Harrg Svnitb as Blackadder with

Gyant Neruton as Lord Percy \aywond Moyganas Lord Melchett Ea a Lottey vno sey as Q uee nie vishKnoxas Nursie Gawy de Rose as Flashheart uugfi tysonas Captain Darling elex E[[is as Lieutenant George

And featuring c[ynne r[oyd as Bald rick

Bfackadder: aLl,fiere we arc) awake at dawn afrcr aettiug illree fiows' s[eeyt afrct ayriuina fierc in il1e darQ at 4aw at great exfense and biavying 0n gvaue[.uniev a f.Iax busfi. xi[[,t guess r can couni n4gse[f furkV thot afrcr $is stayt t0 il1e tri,yt, tfiiugs ca'n ln(y get better. w:fiat news,ga[6yick7 Bafdrick: My LorD, 1f you [ookbrhinl ylu) y9u wi[[ see tfie vaytarcas rising uy intl $e barh, evi[ tainc[ouds, fik tbe euilest clyner of tbeTayatuas on an eailTavayuadan.

Bfackadder: I was wvong'

They walk up the road and approach the Barrytown Pub and backpackers. Blackadder: tfi, a muerry Percy.l mke ft we are gling L0 s,ytend il1e nefi fow day.s of tfiis.vnewy fioliday jaunt ylutae ovganised f ot us fere. Wine, wovnery and slng. Suyping Monteiil,ls bef orc il'1e oyten fire. Carcusing ifio tf night...

Perq: Err,,nlt,nlt quite) ,lvly LorD. tctua[[y,we ave gling L0 go ry) LbaL fiac[< ovey tfiere tfirougfi t$e wet, vniseyabLe busb and c[inh tf at steef)t vnist-enaellqed ynluntainside.

,,,f ':;il::'J:l:"ff :ff "1',,1'j'L:lTr;i"'lilJ;ilT;er BfacLcadder: we[[,.isn't tfik fun. crovel[ing uf, a steey trac[<in the vnud and the tain,wfiere tfie excitina biqht of tfie day so f ar fias been seeing a rltLen Sor,oro skin hanginq frowr a beecfi wee - ind that,s' on[yt brrirrr'Lor vercy Llere had f[ung it tfiere vnovnents before..tt this vate-wi could have yun Lbe uiyt to $e refuse bins at tfie back of rfie Qourtenay P[ace Neru woylD and had thyi[[s a[[ day.

Harry Sm

Tramping and Mountaineering 2OO1/2

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Nursie: Tfiere's no p[ace vd rail1er be il1an fiere. Blackadder: we[[, a[[ r can say) Narsie, is that iu that case glur socia[ [if e vnust be aboul as excitina as a f 00t vace between a thvee-toed s[oth aud a f)avap[eaic tovtoise. it this aerx) ynnvnent r can Lhiuk 0[ awrixivnatefy zo vni[hon'yt[aces t wou[d varhev be tha, trwbging uf, 0nt0 tfie paytavoa {oyts iu tfie rain, aud vnlsr if' tfir^ inao(ue Lyingin awayvnbed.

I.I LIKE nnL

They emerge out of the bush...

o the

Bfackadder: we[[, [ook aL Lfiat. ,spectacu[av aiews in a[[ divections. AnD just by yure clincidence) a[[ of tfiern, witbon excepLilutfiay,yten n be of the inside of a vain c[oub.

At camp on the tops at the end of the first day...

Baldrick: My Lord, Lord Pevcg and r wenL hundveds of feet down the ridge[ine and f ai[ed tu fild any watet.

Blackadder (incredulous) : Let vne get this stvaighL) ga[dyich,. Ylu went [ooklng for watev 0n a riLge]

bhsht Lord

Baldrick: Yes, IVIy LorD.

Blackadder: A ndge?

he

Baldrick: Yes, My tord. ,qnD {1erc was n0 sluyce of water angwbere.

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Bfackadder: r.rowr whicb tmQe ft,Salhich, tfiat gouharre neoe, stradied woul4LailhyMo[ogyt'

Batdrick: Mount"ain fiqdt o[... fiydt o[ "'

Bfackadder: oh ner,,ey wind. rn the vneantwne r bar;eDiscouereD a w6Ler hole ooet in the next de"ptession'

Btackadder: weli look a,t Lhis. sovnebodg fias cut a fiac[< along tfie L0p.0f Lhis escarvwent' ,Na1a[vning the entive iiiiitr "t; i"l;;;;,';":;J;;';;,fi-:gtlii"" '"yyose ie,vnust' be'thankfw[ fot svna[[ vne'rcies,:'::ei.:.:

';i;";;"ititl"ti.it tirolh* glit ave obrious[g iust'trgi,gmluveus o\tbenwhavnvnol eaenbaae aT)jew.u theyl'[[ hit us witb eaerytbing ttrley'ae got'

That evening they camp in a basin by a large tam'

As the tents are being put up, it starts to bucket down'

Percy: Wh at w as th at noiseT

Captain Darling: JusL Lord g[ackaddev getling ilr':o fits'ytit'

Blackadder (from the depths of his pit at the far end of the tent): I say,Petcy,we taed sovnebody Lo Put" uyt tfie vnount ain Y) adi o aeY i aI.

Lord percy (now arso in his pir): Brat My rofi,tfiatwou[d vne6naenturing outiuto tbebuclptingrain.

Blackadder: W eU, what we vleedis.soneboDy wfio doesn't wind getting soaQtng wet' ,sovnebodvt faiv[n uew t0 tyavnvina.sorue6oDy keeu and entbusiastic ;:i;;;;;;;rirg;tl;, ;;i ori'^i'uob[e is a[['vtar:t of ih' fu^"' sa[lilchi covnebere!

SuddenlythereisabrightflareandaflaminglightgoeshurtlingoutofBa|drick

Blackadder: Wbat was thatT

Baldrick NoLhing to worty abofi,My LorD. lust tfie Ptlvnus ex'p[obing'

Blackadder: W eU ga[lyicftu under novwa[ civcuvnstances You wou[d haa' m[<" the entive tent with You) but foymnate[y jn this b;'ri;i,rs'i;n ,"t'iiIr,*r$ ,i;;;;ft;s f ,r, ori abow il1e savne as savnvnv tfie siavnese suvn i i^it", i'innins il1 e s' audl" x abii ar sv eed - s[?rin g svv ints!

Next moming. lt is still bucketing down'

Blackadder: We[[, fieve we are) suc[< on il1e t'oy of il1e V,aytar'a\ange in a ga[e-force w:s!ev[Y)vnt[es fuovn ;:;;;;;; ;t'h'i;;: ;^:;: ;'' k;;;; ;i,i;,;;; ;' ba'kia'ts or foiwans," and n0 possibre escare v,vLtes iu ane

;:i;,;i;;:'r;hi;i;n i":'i ii,,,t' iu the tavn auddiownvnese[f '

Percy: Neuer I eat, tr ooyt s! t h aae a cunning P[an!

Btackadder: oL1 col,.rfiis cunning ,p[a, wou[rln't fiapTtento consist of wa[king continuous[y o\lloo [onl withowt a byeah.tn toyyenriai;;i;'i:;;:;'tt)oirn tJl roln a[ong a'n exv^sed vidge[ine witb vnove ryts and downs tban a iirt ri"i ty01 serc in a"catho[ic 6oys scfioolbg ang chancetw,uLd it,vercyl

Percy: Gad! Howeaet did you fyow, My tovd?

Blackadder: Iust a [ucf<Y guess"'

Some time later they approach White Knight"'

Btackadder (hopefulty): We[[,vnagbe tfiings are [oofung LLV.I see Yoilrre awanged a whirc t{':gfu fiere to whish'us away)Perc9.

Next daY...

Tramping and Mountaineering 2001 /2002 tjye nd we tvn!

PIqrlr.r,r'vn afraid nlttyryLovd.Tfiat'sittst one of theyteakswefiaveh chvnbtuday.Bnfeat n1t/.rvrgLr1'7d. Llter tl1ts oue tl)eve aye lnLy rS vnlye t0 a0. Blackadder: T[1at's cfieercd vne uV n0 eytd) percy.

Trudging along in the rain... Bafdrick: My LorD, tfiis revninds vne of tfie Tayayuas.

Blackadder: na[drich, ,tn'yto[irc civc[es we [)vefer to refer fi thevn as il1e ,,We[[ington\anges,,,il'e ,,Hi[[s at tfie Head ol tl'leHuttY alLey,,, ov tle,,W airaraTraWjnbbyeak,,.

Baldrick: T:his rcvninds vne 0f tfi e W e[hngnn \anges )My Lord. Blackadder: na[drichu as gfiasily as this ry fi;s is yaradise cnynyay,ed to the we[[iug10nRanges.Tyavnyeys iu the w eLlington Kanges clvne beve f or tfieir fiolidays. -rhis is sun-batbing weaillev in {he w e[[iigton \anges. Several hours later... Bfackadder: You.know Ba[dvichr was,wrong. As incouceivab[e as it seevns) tfiis is even w1rce {,)an fie we[[inaton \frg,r*: thougfu we had cune t0 a ,yt[ace ci[lel the pa,ytarcas bm ft ayytear, *, or,lr:'olJy ii t6r r^r)-r^p^' BlooDtt-Rrza-Roas.

Tramping and Mountaineering 2001 /2002

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Blackadder reacts to Batdriii;s litJJic,;;-ffifr;" (Grant Newton)

Several hours later still... Baldrick: How aye you, My Lord?

Bfackadder: ttisetab[e,

.natu:* ,iyr.[ete[y vniserab[e. utove vniserabte t[1an a vniserab[e vniseyab[jst who is yr of e sso.r of wi ser ab[eness at th e u nia ey siry ;i ;;;;;;;;;.

Baldrick: Neuer vninb, Mr B' Dor't be downcast. Just uyt afiead we,re c,yning n tfie junction wfierc we tuTu tfe vnain runge and [1ead to tfie west towaydsMt Bouis. '::ffiff;' ,?;:i:t';P;';3#,':i ,:!n:!:r;'1,!;!' fiorizontar rain covnins at us sidewav wec

Eventually they come to the trig at the top of Mt Bovis. Batdrfck: W[1at,s tfiat ytoiuty tfiing, My Lord? Bfackadder: That,s tfie vig rnarQing il1e suvnvnit,ga[dyjck Baldrick: nm wbat aboy;the aiew.E My Lovd? Tbe stunning vistas, tfie end[ess r)an,yavnas/ Mt coo[lrising ff::il,f:n"rU!:::::h:rvn0untan

Bfackadder: Ba[drjckT

Baldrick: Yes, My LorD?

Bfackadder: Shut utt!

B,ackadder: werr,isnnil,],:,:,,L:;i;i;'Ilit:;-:;:;;:ltri"ii',irter of rnebusrl, anb wna find? r'tvacf<vesevnb[irgtlrin"kam[[s ^Sr*r"**rrror;:;;r;;;;i6;';lryi;ir:hr'T^;ii"sLoodso oy,rr.

"*' raise after vnountnin ia;s;ihi;si,:;;;i,'';i,;;;;,, tfie sorden sunra

Tramping and Mountaineering 2001

, t is settin s Ta;l,'il'il:; flJ.'ff J:l[ Tl"J'i"o]til;nl ji:: rH';" the track.

Queenie: Llvd Me[chett,we'[[ puL Lfie rcnL right {'1ere, in the vnidd[e of $e trac[<.

Mefchett: rdon'LLbiuklbis is a good syolfot tfie rcnL.

Oueenie: Who's Queenie?

Melchett: r:fiis sytot wi[[ do ftne for tbe rcnt.

The tents are finally up!

Bf ackadder: w e[[, isu't tfiis f anasfic. Eaer gt[1iua in vn11 |tack is covnp[etelg soaked, desytite beina done v,yt iu wu[titt[e u[astic baas iuside a new tiac[< [in-ev. ttttyt sleeiina baa is so wet LhaL if t saueezed it oit sez,,eva[ vninoy Paclic rcland statis wou[d disaytyteiar f oreaer brinoth' tbi risiir.g seawaters. what's f or dinner, ga[lyic[<?

Baldrick: we fitae a treat in st"ove f o, you tlnigbt)My LorD. il[ the pvinMses and vnaftfies aye s0 slaf<ed tbat we cantt get any 0f tfievn going,so it's colD, [wrnyty ins,tani yudding, wasfied bown with [asfiings of rainwater.

Bf ackadder: Yuvnvno, g a[dvi ck

Down in the farmland the next day...

Blackadder: we[[,$aukGodwe'vedownofftLletoyts,ga[tvicktJnformnate[ytfierearesfi[[seaera[f of us bef orc we veach Punakaif<i and cavl get b[omo in tfie ytub and f)uL tfiis gfiastly nightvnare behind us.

Baldrick: My Lord, t fiaue a cunningy[an!

Blackadder: sa[drichrr aw so sic( of thts vnisevab[e, poxy be[Lho[e thatt aw wi[ting to fiy anytLling, eaen lue 0f youv cunning f)Lans. Wl at is it?

Bafdrick: rnsLead of f o[[owiug il1e m[and pacf<rrack lut/ we cou[l fo[[ow direu[y lut dlwn t{1e road and hitcb a fide into Punahaiki.

Bf ackadder: nr i[[i ant, B a[dfi c[<l

Ihey walk out down the road, but they virtually reach the main highway before they finally get a ride. Meanwhile, over on the Inland Pack Track, at the flooded Pororari River...

n-Ifl

Que_enie: ! on[y we had f ol[owed s[ackaddev and Ba[dricf< and captain oav[iug lut dlwn tbe yoad. r:fiis riaer is no high to cvoss. Llrd M,e[chefi, whateaer sha[[ we do?

)an

Flashheart: Neuev fear, t[asfifiean is fiere! P[wnges stvaight in and finOr it is uyt to fiis arwyits.l ooyts!

On the bus on the way back...

Baldrick My Lord, did gou eujog tfie tri'yt\

Blackadder: nnjoy tfie tuip? Ba[dvicku t [1aaen't {'1ad such an ury)[easaut tivne since tfie [eaendary c[ub shde sbow a few yeavs agl 0u b[ue ducks. tf t hal wanted Lo qtend f our bays of abject,rnkerg grond[ing aiound throng.h . torventiaL downyou'rs r wouLd faue aone to tLle Tararuas and saaed vnyseLf $rSo iu tfie ytroces.s. AnD to tbinktbat 20 years ago I signed yetitilvLs and wrlLe subvnissions t0 saae $is yoxg heT-bo[e!,rtty oll[y clusl[afiln is that Lord Andvew "-reaf)lts" m*et[an andLadyJo McKenzieweredoing anrE ontfienoyLhiynPayarcatolts and vnu$ haae had an eaeu lnlre vniseyab[e tivne than us.

ts

Baldrick: Ery...,yr0, My Lord. t'ae fiearb tbat mvd Andvew and Lady Jo cavne down ofl il1e toyts anb cavnped by 4.ooy)vn i n bv i[[i ant svnshine.

Blackadder: .^&#o/o#^.(.&^$q"^'&(&.$'&oo+$@$+-oro&o/o^o/o&^.#o/oo$+q"lllll

\o we

Tramping and Mountaineering 2001 /2002